Democracy in its Purest Form: Transcript of a Public Debate

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In addition to the financial news, the political news was also worthy of comment. The little town of Ashford, Tennessee, held a special election yesterday, after its mayor died in a freak poker accident. He was playing poker with friends in an abandoned warehouse when the roof collapsed, killing him, the chief of police, the coroner, and the town’s leading brothel owner, Ray Borvis.

The resulting election to replace the mayor and police chief pitted democrats against republicans in a bitter battle for control of Ashford. Here we see democracy in its purest form. This the actual transcript of a public debate held at the James Earl Ray Memorial Hall yesterday.

“I have every respect for my opponent in this race,” said the democrat, Liddell Fulsom, a stout man who was said to sweat a lot. “It is just that I don’t think he shares the values of Ashford and its people.”

“What values are you talking about?” replied Myron Byer, the republican. “The values of the previous administration are nothing to be proud of.”

“What? Are you casting dispersions on the town and its people? I know I am very proud to be from Ashford. We’re number one in the state in supporting the U.S. government…why, we have more flags flying in Ashford than in any other city in the country…per capita, of course.”

“Yes, but that’s because you got a special deal on the flags, made in China, of course…and then you sold them to the city government so they could put them up all over town. And you made $5 on each one of them…didn’t you?”

“Are you opposed to free enterprise, Mr. Byer? Would you like to tell the people of Ashford why? It’s because you were – and probably still are – a radical, a draft dodger and a subversive.”

“Are you kidding? I was a student during the Vietnam War…I had a student deferment. And then I got a high number in the lottery. I was just lucky.”

“And I guess you’d say that those of us who served our country were unlucky? I spent 18 months fighting for Ol’ Glory in the swamps and jungles of Southeast Asia, and you know, those are the proudest moments of my life. I feel very lucky that I had the honor to defend this great country.”

“And what about killing those women and children…remember, you were court-martialed for it? Are you proud of that too?”

“Wait a minute…that’s hitting below the belt…they were armed Vietcong…I was railroaded by communists and the peaceniks… And at least I wasn’t spending my time up at the university fooling around with thespians.”

“You don’t even know what a thespian is…”

“And I don’t want to know…I’m a married man with four upstanding children…”

“No, you’re a racist, a bigot and a moron.”

“Hold on, you piece of sh**. Or I’ll come over there and punch your lights out. Let’s face it, Myrie, you don’t have a prayer in this election. You’re desperate.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve already announced my plan to build a new senior center. All this town’s got are seniors. And they’re behind me.”

“How do you think you’re going to pay for this thing?”

“I’m going to raise taxes on that stupid store of yours.”

Bill Bonner
The Daily Reckoning Australia

Bill Bonner

Bill Bonner

Best-selling investment author Bill Bonner is the founder and president of Agora Publishing, one of the world's most successful consumer newsletter companies. Owner of both Fleet Street Publications and MoneyWeek magazine in the UK, he is also author of the free daily e-mail The Daily Reckoning.
Bill Bonner

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Comments

  1. ha ha ha!!!!

    nic meredith
    April 2, 2008
    Reply
  2. solid gold – dont’t think I’ve ever come across a more entertaining debate

    Reply
  3. USA = the above two multiplied by 150,000,000 ?
    I’m starting to understand….

    Reply
  4. More More!!!

    Reply

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