“Jimmy Carter” on Tax Rebates and Inflation

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The team here at the Old Hat Factory just stumbled across an old transcript from Jimmy Carter’s (Dan Aykroyd) appearance on Saturday Night Live just about 30 years ago. While written in jest, it’s frightening close to some of the headlines we’ve been reading over the past week.

President Jimmy Carter: Good evening. On Tuesday, we Americans will have the opportunity to exercise our role as citizens in a free democracy. Yet, only a third of the eligible voters will actually cast ballots. The other two-thirds are, in a sense, very lucky. Because they do not know what’s going on.

Last week, I delivered a message on inflation. Since then, the dollar has dropped in value, the stock market has sustained record losses, and the whole sow price index increased 0.9%. In other words, our economic system is screwed, blued and tatooed! We just have to face the fact that there is simply no way to fight inflation in a capitolly-intensive, highly-technological, conflict-riddled, anything-for-a-thrill world of today. That’s why, tonight, I want you to try to look for in inflation, an entirely new word: Inflation is our friend.

For example, consider this: in the year 2000, if current trends continue, the average blue-collar annual wage in this country will be $568,000. Think what this inflated world of the future will mean – most Americans will be millionaires. Everyone will feel like a bigshot. Wouldn’t you like to own a $4,000 suit, and smoke a $75 cigar, drive a $600,000 car? I know I would! But what about people on fixed incomes? They have always been the true victims of inflation. That’s why I will present to Congress the “Inflation Maintenance Program”, whereby the U.S. Treasury will make up any inflation-caused losses to direct tax rebates to the public in cash. Then you may say, “Won’t that cost a lot of money? Won’t that increase the deficit?” Sure it will! But so what? We’ll just print more money! We have the papers, we have the mints.. I can just call up the Bureau of Engraving and say, “Hi! This is Jimmy. Roll out some of them twenties! Print up a couple thousand sheets of those Century Notes!” Sure, all these dollars will cause even more inflation, but who cares? Everyone will be a millionaire!

In my speech last week, I said that America would have to undergo an austerity program, but since this revolutionary new approach welcomes inflation, our economy will be free to grow, and we can spend, spend, spend! I believe the watchwords for the 80’s should be “Let’s Party!” And in that spirit, I’d like to say, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

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4 Comments on "“Jimmy Carter” on Tax Rebates and Inflation"

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kayle
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Good God. I don’t know whether to track down Dan Ackroyd so I can worship him as a prophet, or continue laughing-crying hysterically at the JOKE the once-proud American economy has made of itself.

Looks like I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.

Jono
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haha print more money .. if only Ackroyd had happened to use a different phrase.. such as “Throw money from helicopters”, he would have truly won my praise as the greatest prophet ever.

christina
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Just like it says in a bible passage:

“Pride cometh before destruction”

novosonic
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i make $3.25/hr as a computer consultant, smoke .79c cigars, and drive a used ford truck.

hope i get a check from the irs this spring. want to buy one of them there new flat panel digital monitors to hook up to my dvd player and bose radio sound system.

i own at least 20 bibles !

wpDiscuz
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